Peace Amongst Chaos

I've been in New York for almost 2 months now. And one thing I've come to realize is no matter where in the world you are, whether it be the smallness of Waco or the grandeur of Manhattan, there are some things in life that matter everywhere: family, friends, love, enlightenment and peace.

Everyday I experience something new about this city. I see the opportunities and I see the despair. I see simplicity in central park and then I see excessive materialism on fifth avenue. I find opportunists lurking around street corners, and I find angels immersed within the daily crowd. Today I found something that most people don't associate with New York City. I found serenity.

Walking down the Brooklyn Bridge with thousands of cars racing below, in a hurry to get to some unknown place, I found a moment of clarity. Amidst the teeming chaos beneath, I felt a rising peace. And I understood. Peace can be found anywhere, because it IS everywhere. It is something that you bring forth from within and it envelops you, clearing away the confusion, easing the stress, comforting the ache. Today, I was able to allow peace to reenter my chaotic life. Shukar.

Lost Days...

Some days aren't yours at all..they come and go as if they're someone else's days.. They come and leave behind someone else's face.. And it's harsher than yours.

Today was one of those days. It wasn't a day for me. It was a day I was merely present it. A lost day. A day without any seeming purpose or anticipation. A day of confusion and reflection. It was as if the snowstorm of last night had ended, taking with it the wonder and grandeur of creation. All that was left was the melting slush on the sidewalk mirroring the melting within. Without the lost days, though, you don't find the path to the Light.

Recognizing the light is purpose. So I guess, ironically, lost days give you purpose, even though they leave you without a map.

Something Old and Something New

I came into contact with something old. Yet, experiencing it this time around, it felt completely new. As if the circumstances and the setting had somehow changed the character of the people involved. It was bittersweet. It was liberating and lonely at the same time. It's like you breath a sigh of relief at the end of a heart-wrenching journey, but then you realize that with the journey ends an aspect of life. Now what? Where to next? Even thought the journey was a turmoil, it was a comfortable pain you had come to live with. It's like walking on a path of thorns. After a while you get used to the thorns. So when you enter a grassy field of petals, and no longer feel the pain of the thorns, its as if something is missing. As if you had found a purpose in the pain. With feet unaccustomed to thornless paths, I must now readjust. I hope I can find my way.

Week Five: A New Beginning

Once you've got what you're searching for, it feels surreal. You think any moment now you're going to wake up and realize you never had it because in the moment you feel a perpetual bliss that can't possibly be real. Well, I haven't yet woken up from the dream of working at CNN Headquarters in New York city. Just typing that gives me goosebumps.

Week Five in the city was my first real week at CNN. I didn't feel new there though. I felt like I was born to work here. The people, the atmosphere, the press meetings, the ideas, everything floating around as if I were on cloud nine and they were rotating around me :) Ok, super cheesy I know but I still don't believe that I am a small part of the news-making process. Within a week of being here I'm learning how to responsibly and creatively pitch a piece. I've learned how production is completed, how departments work, how to handle a breaking news situation, graphic editing and video production. With the battles rising in Afghanistan and Bill Clinton's sudden change of pace, Iran's controversial buildup of nuclear weapons and the beginnings of the winter olympics in Vancouver, I felt as if every event was unfolding in front of my very own eyes.

Now I understand the virtue of "Bearing Witness." In Islam when one bears witness to the oneness of Allah or the prophetic nature of Muhammad, we recite Ashadu meaning I bear witness. In journalism, when a reporter objectively tells a story about what she witnessed right before her very eyes, it is also a type of devotion. It is a devotion to truth. A devotion to get the word out to the very people who need to know what's happening. It is a service to mankind, allowing them to evaluate for themselves what the observation of the reporter meant. Faith and world thus, for me, intertwine... even at work :)

A Day of Laughter on This Day of Love

Today was Valentine's day. Yes, I'm stating the obvious. But what you may not know is that today I felt truly loved, appreciated and happy. This had everything to do with two friends who have come into my life here in New York as angels of laughter and givers of joy. We may have only known each other for a little over a month, but to me it seems that some friendships form rather quickly but provide the deepest of securities.

I could attempt to recount everything we did today and how it panned out, but I think that may take away from the experience itself. Suffice to say we left with a single plan this afternoon at 2:30p.m. and didn't return home until now 3:30a.m. That's the beauty of New York City. What did we do in this over 12-hour long journey? The world may never know...

But I don't think we'll ever forget :)

Week Four: Search and Seizure.

CNN. The United Nations. Huffington Post. Global Vision. I ventured all these channels, hoping against all odds that someone would have an opening for me that someone would take me in off the streets. The days went by in pursuit and wait, speculation and desire. Oh what it would be like to research foreign news for CNN International. My, how my time would be spent in the foreign policy department of the United Nations, watching important delegates negotiate and compromise. The daydreams became more intricate and the time slowed down. The hustle and bustle of the last few weeks had almost come to a standstill.

Then it happened. My interview results were in. Global Vision welcomed me on board. CNN called me to come in for a face-to-face meeting. Of course I went. The excitement of the day barely let me sleep the night before. I was up and ready to go an hour before I actually had to leave. I arrived at the Time Warner building 20 minutes early with a huge smile plastered to my face. I checked my bag, got my guest pass and took the elevator up to the fifth floor.

“I’m here for Mr. Saddique.”

“Ok, make yourself comfortable, I’ll let him know you’re here.”

I sat down in front of the five networks delivering news to me from various angles, waiting.

“Ms. Samreen, hello.” Mr. Saddique’s voice came from behind me. I stood up, we shook hands and I followed him to the conference room. A round of question-answer was played with my resume in his hands. After a nervous 20 minutes of conversation, he said, “Well, I really think you would fit right in here.” My heart started thumping, alas too soon. “But I don’t know how much room we still have for interns.” I waited apprehensively, too afraid to breathe.

“Let me call our Intern coordinator.” After hearing a series of uh huh…hmm…umhmm’s, the call was over. “Well we may have an opening at the Cambell Brown show.” Ok. I thought. Not the ideal, but it was an opening. I’ll take it. I’ll take anything with CNN.

“Would you like a tour of the facility?”

“Yes, of course,” I smiled like a tourist on her first celebrity encounter. We walked the studio. “And here is where all the shows are taped, Anderson Cooper 360, Wolf Blitzer and CNN International’s Amanpour…” I gasped.

“Here? You mean this is where Ms. Amanpour records?”

“Yes of course. She’s here everyday for her show.”

My mouth hung open. What if she was here now? On that day luck was on my side. It was as if I had drunk the Felix Felicis. We walked out of the studio and she passed right in front of me, not seeing us. I gasped. She heard. She turned around to find me staring at her, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Before I knew it she stood in front of me with an outstretched hand saying “hello,” in her mingled British yet Middle Eastern accent. I was completely taken aback. Somehow I managed to say, “Wow. Hello. I think you’re brilliant.” She smiled, thanking me and returning to her previous course.

“I would love to work on her team,” I told Mr. Saddique. And once again the Felix worked its magic. Her senior producer walked by, Samuel Burke.

“Well, that’s her senior producer. Why don’t I introduce you,” Mr. Saddique said. I have not yet found the words to describe how far beyond ecstatic I was. He spoke with me, saying they had most of their interns but he would look at my resume anyway. I prayed and hoped and wished and pleaded with every power that may be that somehow this would work out. The next day it seemed the elixir had not yet rubbed off. I had a missed call and a voicemail….it was Mr. Samuel Burke! I called him back precisely at the time he asked and we entered an interview type dialogue. I couldn’t believe my ears at how it ended.

“I think you’d be a great match with our team. I’d like to bring this conversation up at our meeting tomorrow. Why don’t you email me Thursday and we can set your schedule?”

“Yes sir, sure sir!” I splurged quickly, hanging up the phone with a cheesy grin on my face and thumping heart.

The search was over. I had gotten what I was after. I learned quite a few lessons this week:

1. Never, ever give up on your dream, even when it seems it may be too late.
2. At the same time, don’t ever trample on or utilize another’s dream to achieve your own.

I’d like to end this blog with the wise words of my favorite author: “When you really want something, the entire universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

–Paulo Coelho

Week Three: Abundant Changes.

This week I made some major changes. I may not have handled them all the right way, but I believe they were decisions I needed to make. I went to work as usual on Monday and Tuesday, still not doing much at work. There are four of us interns in the press office with very little workload. I spent most of my time reading for class and catching up on intern logs. But with so little to report I felt as if my time in New York was slowly slipping by in front of my very eyes, and I could do nothing about it. I sat in the press office anxiously as a few floors below me I knew was buzzing activity of the daily news kind. I wanted so acutely to be located just 7 floors lower in the same building, helping to research stories and learn from those much more experienced then me. I had come to admire the people I worked with here on the PR side of the business. I knew they could and would teach me more in the days to come, but I felt unhappy. I felt wasteful and ungracious when it dawned on me. This was not the place for me. This was my one chance at a semester in New York City and I was so close yet so far from the position I wanted to hold. I made a rash decision. It is not one I regret, but one I desperately wish I had handled better.

I decided to attempt altering my internship in search of one that gave me the experience and workload I aspired to gain from my one shot in the bustling city of my dreams. I attempted to leave the CBS Press Office and take my fortune to a more news-based environment. First I sought to consult our intern coordinator to see if another position within CBS could be more fitting, so as not to burn any bridges and solidify something rather quickly. I realized however that the reality of such an ideal situation was beyond my reach. I may have to track other options. Rather than taking the proper channels of communication, I was thrust into an awkward pursuit when I tried to honestly yet reasonably discuss the situation with my boss. And, as tends to happen with those of us who write better than we speak, I was quickly misunderstood. The words meaning to leave my mouth in an “I’d really appreciate it if I could gain more experience in a news setting” fashion, were heard more as “I quit so I can pursue something I like better” manner. Unguarded and naïve, I left feeling as if my clouded judgment on the matter had made the situation worse. I felt guilty and entitled, unappreciative and vain. All emotions my usual self steers clear of. It made matters worse when I looked back on the whole ordeal, realizing I had taken a spot that someone else may have worked really hard to apply for. What made me think I could take advantage of such a situation or that I would even find another internship? Feeling guilty yet somehow free, I raced home and began working on other channels to secure an internship.

Meanwhile, my birthday came and went. It was my first birthday away from Texas. The first night was a traditional night on the town, but the night of my actual birthday was a brand new experience. I took on a freelance story in the heart of Harlem, at the Apollo Theater. It was a Muslim arts revival concert where the likes of Aasif Mandvi and Mos Def would be performing. I got to do a piece on it. It was one of the greatest birthday presents I could’ve asked for.